“Just Being Present,” and What That Means – Part 1

We’ve all had it, I’m sure. You’re innocently using the computer and suddenly you get some cryptic computer-jargon message (apparently it’s called a ‘dialogue box,’ but that’s a bit silly considering that we can’t talk with the computer!) saying, “General error, the program needs to close.” What can you say? Apparently it’s some file or script error and re-starting the computer is the way around it.

And the same happens with our brains to a certain extent. We get these ‘scripts’ and ‘programmes’ running that just cause us to terminate what good thinking might be happening at the time. It’s called anxiety and worry and fear. We track off into the past or the future for a moment and then the programme of our effective thinking stalls. Time for technical help perhaps?

The humanist community might call us to become ‘aware,’ so that we can control our thinking on manual mode, just allowing stimulus from our surrounds, and any deliberate, normal cognitive thinking to take place. They would tell us, ‘Just be present,’ and focus on your breathing.

It shouldn’t be that hard should it–to just be present? I tried the technique on the way home from work one evening and I got distracted off ‘being present’ so many times there must be eternal ruts in my mind.

Paul tells Timothy that, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” -2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV).

We’ve all heard the term, ‘Junk in, junk out,’ relating to computers. Well, our minds are the processing unit for what we eventually do in life. We think of junky things, and yes, we then do junky things.

Our thinking is like the car that cruised slowly past me; for a time, that car was plain out of sight. I had to deliberately and purposely check it was still there. For a moment I thought it had vanished. My experience wasn’t based in truth and therefore my mind started to believe something that wasn’t real. But then the car in my blindspot did eventually re-appear.

Our thinking, similarly, has to deal with all sorts of blindspots that prevent us from seeing truth and reality–we will generally only believe what we can see. But, if our thinking is subsumed by a blindspot, we’re making decisions based on bad data. Life is suddenly going from bad to worse, as the false script reinforces the negative quickly down toward the sinkhole syndrome of concern, anxiety, fear, dread, and a myriad of other forms of ‘nothing’ thoughts, which can only be destructive.

We make thousands of incorrect assumptions every day when our thinking is not based in truth. (And to think otherwise takes a whole deal of training, which I’ll get into next article.) Erroneous thinking impacts incredibly badly not only on our decisions, but also on our relationships. At best it’s counterproductive, and at worst, it’s plain destructive.

We learned through the above quote of Paul’s that a sound (and sensible) mind is a gift from God’s Spirit.

So, if God’s gift is a sound mind, where does the junky thinking come from? You guessed it! It’s the Devil in disguise, and he’s messing with us. Why be duped? The Devil might want it that way, but why should we succumb when there’s by far a better way for us and everyone connected with us?

Now, all the ‘Devil talk’ might be putting you off… let’s change the subject. Let’s just get into some “awareness” as purported above.

The advice I read recently made so much sense to me I decided to give it a try, and strangely it works. I think it’s but one technique God gives us to enjoy his gift of a sound mind.

Valentine Presents: Lovely Valentines Day Gift Ideas To Consider

Valentine Presents

The big day is near to arrive, yet you have not even picked perfect Valentine presents for your loved ones. Well, worry no more. As you roam and think around, you can be relieved that there are plenty of possible presents that will make this day a blast. Whether you buy your present in advance or in rush, particularly for busy men who have stopped to grab flowers on the last minute, you must forget not to add a card on top. Show your thoughts by writing something romantic on it. You don’t need to come up with rhymes or corny limericks just to get her.

However, given that you are aware of this special day coming, yet right at this very moment you are stuck on what are the kinds of Valentine presents to get and buy, the secret is to grab something that suits your loved one’s personality. Yes, it is never embarrassing to choose Valentine’s lingerie over the other options for this will let her think that it is only her that you are thinking about all the time. Of course, a naughty teddy and the like will work a lot, but you will want to have something for her that she will fall in love in the first place. Afterwards, give the nighties to her.

Valentines Jewelry

Every woman feels happy receiving Valentine’s jewelry, so never forget to put bracelet, ring, or necklace into your options. When choosing jewelry as one of your Valentine presents, think of hearts every time, as hearts shows love and romance. Remember, no matter how much it’s worth, be it expensive, flashy or not, she will appreciate any jewelry from you as long as it shows that it is really from your heart.

But then, if you are really for something that is remarkably impressive and heart swooning, show her something big and different. Try sky writing your love message to her. You can also try bringing her to an expensive restaurant. However, to make things work out well, try to call for an early table reservation with champagnes and candles on it. But above all, this preparation will top off other Valentine presents if you will have those foods ordered ahead of time for it will show how much you focus attention on what she wants and what she doesn’t want. Place the jewelry gift near the glass next to her. Women appreciate such kind of efforts.

Once the dinner is done, hand her the naughty gift you have prepared. And as a part of your Valentine presents, get into this act of rubbing her feet for her to know how much you understand how she feel running around the errands. Make her desire be satisfied. With this, she can regard this day as her most loved Valentine’s Day.

How To Use Questions To Win More Negotiations

Questions are the foundation of negotiations. Thus, the questions you ask, when you ask them, and the way you ask them, all impact the negotiation. To the degree you ask good questions, those aligned with your goals for the negotiation, the negotiation progresses more easily upon the path of success.

The following are insights into how to use, how to answer, and how to avoid answering questions.

Assumptive Questions:

Assumptive questions give the impression that you may have more insight than you really possess. As an example, “In the past you’ve paid $5,000 for this service, correct?” In this case, you’re asking a subconscious and conscious question. The subconscious assumptive question is, you’ve used this service in the past. The conscious assumptive question is, you paid $5,000 for it. As such, you’re conveying the fact that you may have information about the other negotiator that can benefit you. In this case, observe how he answers the question (i.e. body language) and the words he uses to do so (i.e. para-language – words used to convey his sentiments). Both will give you insight, from which you can determine your next step.

Answering Questions with Questions:

Depending on the skill level of the other negotiator, you can answer his question with a question. By doing so, you gain more insight and information. By gaining more insight, you gain a greater perspective of his intentions. The skill level of your counterpart is important, because this tactic can also be used as a ploy to assess how deeply you’re prepared to lead him. If you’re not cautious, you can think you’re leading him while in reality you’re being led (i.e. disclosing your negotiation style and demeanor),

Emotions and Questions:

Emotions play a pivotal role in negotiations, especially when it comes to question. If you’re perceived as overemphasizing a word, a phrase, your question can project an unintended meaning. Negotiation Tip – People won’t always remember what you said, but they’ll remember the affect your words had on them. Suffice it to say, when asking questions be aware of your chose of words, the emphasis you place on certain words, and the speed and pace at which you speak. All of those factors impact the reception and perception of your questions.

Avoiding Questions:

When questions are posed and the other negotiator does not answer it, take note. The question may be hitting a sensitive spot that he does not wish exposed. If instead of answering the question he says he’d like to talk about another subject, you should note this even more; he’s giving insight through his actions that your question doesn’t have the importance to him as his topic. This could also be a ploy (i.e. in a negotiation, the person asking a question has more control). If you sense he’s avoiding your question because you’ve strayed into a sensitive area, you can pursue, or let it go for the time being. Do what’s appropriate for the timing and direction you’d like to take the negotiation.

There are many factors that lend to the importance of questions in a negotiation. Since questions are the heartbeat of a negotiation, in order to negotiate more effectively ask the appropriate question at the appropriate time. If you couple that with using the questioning tactics above, you’ll have a winning combination for more successful negotiations… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!