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Questions are the foundation of negotiations. Thus, the questions you ask, when you ask them, and the way you ask them, all impact the negotiation. To the degree you ask good questions, those aligned with your goals for the negotiation, the negotiation progresses more easily upon the path of success.

The following are insights into how to use, how to answer, and how to avoid answering questions.

Assumptive Questions:

Assumptive questions give the impression that you may have more insight than you really possess. As an example, “In the past you’ve paid $5,000 for this service, correct?” In this case, you’re asking a subconscious and conscious question. The subconscious assumptive question is, you’ve used this service in the past. The conscious assumptive question is, you paid $5,000 for it. As such, you’re conveying the fact that you may have information about the other negotiator that can benefit you. In this case, observe how he answers the question (i.e. body language) and the words he uses to do so (i.e. para-language – words used to convey his sentiments). Both will give you insight, from which you can determine your next step.

Answering Questions with Questions:

Depending on the skill level of the other negotiator, you can answer his question with a question. By doing so, you gain more insight and information. By gaining more insight, you gain a greater perspective of his intentions. The skill level of your counterpart is important, because this tactic can also be used as a ploy to assess how deeply you’re prepared to lead him. If you’re not cautious, you can think you’re leading him while in reality you’re being led (i.e. disclosing your negotiation style and demeanor),

Emotions and Questions:

Emotions play a pivotal role in negotiations, especially when it comes to question. If you’re perceived as overemphasizing a word, a phrase, your question can project an unintended meaning. Negotiation Tip – People won’t always remember what you said, but they’ll remember the affect your words had on them. Suffice it to say, when asking questions be aware of your chose of words, the emphasis you place on certain words, and the speed and pace at which you speak. All of those factors impact the reception and perception of your questions.

Avoiding Questions:

When questions are posed and the other negotiator does not answer it, take note. The question may be hitting a sensitive spot that he does not wish exposed. If instead of answering the question he says he’d like to talk about another subject, you should note this even more; he’s giving insight through his actions that your question doesn’t have the importance to him as his topic. This could also be a ploy (i.e. in a negotiation, the person asking a question has more control). If you sense he’s avoiding your question because you’ve strayed into a sensitive area, you can pursue, or let it go for the time being. Do what’s appropriate for the timing and direction you’d like to take the negotiation.

There are many factors that lend to the importance of questions in a negotiation. Since questions are the heartbeat of a negotiation, in order to negotiate more effectively ask the appropriate question at the appropriate time. If you couple that with using the questioning tactics above, you’ll have a winning combination for more successful negotiations… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

Did you know that one of the secret keys to the art of good conversation is actually the art of being a good listener? This also applies to the skill of being a good public speaker – one would need to listen to one’s audience. Now that sounds very strange, but we’ll enlarge on that a little later.

How often do you hear of people being discussed and being labelled as being a bore? Usually this is because they do all the talking and very little listening. Have you, like me, ever been a victim of one of these characters at a meeting or party? I am sure you can relate to a situation where you finish up looking at everyone who passes by, hoping they will rescue you! I had this happen to me recently at a seminar. I had intended to spend some time mixing with other people who have the same interests as me and who I hoped to share some important information with, however I was cornered by one particular person who went on and on and on about their own efforts, their achievements and expertise and I just could not get away.

To be honest I felt that I had missed out big-time, the seminar itself was excellent but the time spent at lunch break etc. would have been very useful for networking and getting to know like minded people, but had just been a waste of time and I was more than a little irritated.

If you enjoy good conversation then you have probably learnt the art of listening as well as speaking. Have you ever used the expression, “It has been nice talking to you”? Would it not be more appropriate to be able to say, “It has been good talking with you”? There is a difference…

When you think about it, when you are speaking with someone, you are hoping to impart some of your thoughts or ideas to them, or perhaps learn something from them. If you do not take time to allow them to make a comment or ask a question or even indicate whether they have understood what you are saying, then what is the point of continuing to say things which they don’t really need or want to hear? In order to listen you need to learn to pause at the right time and that in itself is a whole new topic!

Now, you may feel that this does not apply to a situation where you are giving a talk or a presentation, because generally speaking the audience is not in a position to answer back to you, or to ask continual questions. So how can you listen to an audience which may consist of just a few people, or maybe even hundreds?

One way that we can employ the art of listening is by using it even before we actually give a presentation. Take the opportunity to speak to the chairman or the organiser of the event to make sure that you will be delivering just what they have organised or perhaps even advertised. In fact you should, as part of your preparation, have spoken to the organiser in depth when the presentation was being booked in order to prepare your talk with that specific audience in mind. Ask them what they are expecting to gain from your presentation and note the answer. In fact take the time to prepare a list of questions which will explore the nature of your expected audience, their age group, ethnicity, education and background – and listen carefully to the answers, they will prepare you for the next step which is:

Endeavour to take the time to speak with several members of your audience before you give the presentation, this will give you the opportunity to size up your audience and discover what they as individuals are expecting to gain from listening to your talk. From their comments you will learn exactly why they have put themselves out to come to hear you speak. This means of course that you will need to schedule your time to arrive early for your presentation, however you will find it time well spent.

Equally, don’t be in a hurry to leave after your presentation, be prepared to associate with your audience and listen to their comments and take them on board to improve your next talk.

In another article we’ll explore the technique of listening to an audience while you’re actually making a presentation and will learn just how this tip can improve your presentations no end.

When you consider how to read body language during a negotiation, what do you consider? When negotiating in person, do you focus on the other negotiator’s eyes, hands, feet, mouth? Or, are there other aspects to which you apply your attention? When negotiating on the phone and/or in social media, what do you look/listen for to gain hidden meanings to spoken/unspoken – written/unwritten words?

Being able to decipher undisclosed words and hidden meanings in a negotiation can give you great insight per what you should do to ensure you negotiate better.

Observe the following body language and nonverbal signals in your interactions with others to enhance your negotiation efforts and outcomes.

1. Face-to-Face Negotiations:
   1. When negotiating in person, note when the other negotiator faces you straight-on with his whole body (i.e. head, feet) versus when he turns slightly away. At the point when he faces you straight-on his body language is indicating that the two of you are more aligned with what’s being discussed. Note when he turns away (i.e. head or feet). That gesture indicates that the alignment has been broken. Take special note of when that occurs in the negotiation process to heighten your mindfulness as to what was said/done to make him turn away.
   2. Eyes – Observe when the other negotiator averts his eyes from yours. You should be mindful of such even if it occurs for a moment. It may be a momentary sign of discomfort. If it occurred as the result of something he or you said, it may be a sign that he doesn’t believe what he’s saying (lying) or what he’s hearing. It could also mean, he has something in his eye. Pose a question to verify what you’ve seen if you think it will impact the negotiation.

2. Email & Phone Negotiations:
   1. Be very observant as to when someone alters the pace of which they speak or write. In writing, such can be denoted by the variance seen in shorter or longer sentences. When speaking, such is denoted in the pace of speech. In either case, an alteration of either can indicate a shift in the negotiation.
   2. Be mindful of the tonality of your voice and that of the person with whom you’re negotiating. You can convey a more serious demeanor with a lower tonality. Such should be used when appropriate, and a softer tonality should be used when attempting to be airier and less serious. Also, be mindful of a changed tonality, that conveys the same tune. There may be deeper implications in that action.

Regardless of the environment in which you negotiate, take note of when people alter their demeanor as to why they may have done so. In order to make such a distinction, you should observe how they purport themselves in what is a ‘normal’ environment for them; doing so will give you a foundation from which to note changes. If you’re observant to such occurrences, you’ll be quicker to realize when a correction strategy may need to be employed. Such recognition will also allow you to negotiate better, which will lead to more winning negotiation outcomes… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!